Castle of the Heart Read online

  “Walter loved her.” Meredith’s gentle voice was harsh whenever she spoke of Isabel.

  “Perhaps Walter loved her too late. Or perhaps she loved him and he used her love for his own ambition.”

  Meredith thought it was the other way around, but she did not say this aloud. Meredith believed Isabel had never loved anyone and had always known exactly what she was doing and why. Isabel had used her son and her second husband for her own ends, and had caused the deaths of people whom Meredith held dear.

  “I would rather not remember that time,” she said. “It is too sad.”

  “I’m sorry.” Thomas responded quickly, touching her shoulder in mutual sympathy, for he had lost the same loved ones to Walter’s and his mother’s treachery. “I wouldn’t have mentioned my mother, except that I wanted to explain to you how I feel. I know there are those who would call me soft and unmanly to care about such things as love, who would say I should be interested only in warfare and in consolidating our power on the border. I know I can speak freely to you, I always could, and you won’t laugh at me. Meredith, I don’t want my wife to end as my mother has, all alone, in exile, the object of hatred and scorn. That’s why I want to meet Lady Selene. Now, today. I want time to know her a little before we marry. If we don’t like each other, or if she doesn’t want to marry me, I’ll take a sacred oath at my knighting and make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land, never to return. Sir Valaire couldn’t be insulted by that, nor could the Lady Selene, and it’s better than marrying someone I shouldn’t, or making someone else unhappy for a lifetime.”

  Meredith gulped back sudden tears. This was the earnest, thoughtful boy she had first met more than twelve years ago, the page determined to become an ideal knight and to be always fair and honest. How like him to be willing to give up his heritage and all he cared about in England to avoid hurting an unknown girl.

  Meredith could not bear the thought of never seeing Thomas again. She loved him deeply – he was a worthy substitute for the son she had never borne – but more importantly, he was the heir to Afoncaer. Guy, and Afoncaer, needed him. She must see to it that Thomas carried out the plans Guy had made for him.

  “Thomas, if you and your wife both come to the marriage with good will, and with the intent to make it a happy and fruitful union, then it will be a true marriage, and in time you will learn to love each other.”

  “You and Uncle Guy loved each other before you married.”

  “We were different. There were unusual circumstances.”

  “I want to be different, too. I want to love the woman I marry. Help me, Meredith. I know you can arrange for me to meet Lady Selene.”

  She put her arms around him, as she had done so many times when he’d been a frightened, unhappy boy. Ignoring his size and strength, and the convention which said a man must be brave and unemotional, she pulled his head down onto her shoulder and held him close, promising to do whatever she could for him. And, she added silently, for Guy and Afoncaer.

  “Lady Meredith is here,” the serving woman said. “I heard her say she has come to see Lady Aloise. What do you suppose she wants?” Confronted by Selene’s cold, blank stare, the woman muttered a hasty apology and left the room.

  “Perhaps they are going to cancel the marriage. Would that please you, silly girl?” The embroidered blue band around Arianna’s head seldom kept the tumbling curls out of her eyes. She impatiently brushed a stray piece of dark brown hair off her face and grinned at Selene, her face full of mischief. But when she continued there was an annoyed note in her voice. “You have been uninterested in anything that has happened since we left Brittany. The journey was so exciting. This abbey is beautiful. The new church is so glorious the good Lord Himself must be pleased with it. And the courtiers, how they dress! The jewels and furs! Look around you, Selene, open your eyes and your heart and admit how wonderful it all is.”

  Selene’s only response to Arianna’s plea was an indifferent shrug of her slender shoulders. The severely plain dark grey woolen gown she insisted on wearing drained all youthfulness and color from her face. She looked more like a condemned prisoner than a prospective bride. Arianna presented a striking contrast, with her russet-brown dress belted in blue to match the ribbon in her hair, her glowing complexion, and her bubbling vitality.

  “If I had a chance of marrying a great lord,” Arianna declared, “I would take it with rejoicing.”

  “He is not a great lord, he is only the heir to one,” Selene replied coolly. She picked up her Book of Hours and sat down on a stool close to the brazier. The small room the two girls shared in the abbey guesthouse was well furnished, but it was cold, made more so by the drafts that blew through the shutters each time the wind gusted. Selene laid the book down on her lap and held out chilled fingers toward the heat. “I am reconciled to my fate. Only, I do wonder what they are talking about. Some change in the marriage contract, perhaps.”

  “Shall I go and find out what is happening?” Arianna laughed, her wide, humorous mouth opening to display flashing white teeth. “I know; I’ll pretend I’m looking for my embroidery. I’ll creep into the room and listen to what they say.”

  “Your embroidery is right there. I wish you would not leave it in such a tangle.” Selene gestured toward a rather untidy pile of silk and linen, carelessly tossed onto the heavily curtained bed. “Pretending is lying.”

  “Oh, Selene, I love you as though you were my sister, but you can be maddening,” Arianna exclaimed. “I think you are even more curious than I am, but you just won’t admit it. It is your marriage, after all. I won’t lie, I’ll just ask a few questions. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” The bedchamber door closed behind her before she had finished the last sentence.

  She thinks I hate lying, Selene thought, but she doesn’t know, no one knows, what a liar I have become. Is there ever an excuse for such falseness? The nuns would say no, but Lady Isabel has said sometimes it is necessary to achieve great purposes. I believed her when she told me all those things, and what I must do, but now that I’m away from her, I wonder, and I’m afraid. What if they do cancel the marriage and I can’t do what Lady Isabel expects? She would never forgive me if I were to fail, but I would be so relieved. What am I going to do?

  Rising from the stool, she found her small hand mirror and gazed into it, seeing the blurred image of her thin, white face and her large, emerald eyes, and wondered how she had come, consenting, to the brink of marriage with a man she did not know, she, who four months ago had wanted only to enter a convent and live there forever.

  And how, Selene thought, shuddering and turning away from her own reflection in disgust, how am I to lie in bed naked, with a naked man, how endure that terrible embrace? But I must, I must.

  Arianna was back much sooner than Selene expected. She shut the door carefully, then approached Selene as though she had a great secret to disclose.

  “Lady Aloise wants to see you at once,” Arianna announced.

  “Why?” Selene was wary.

  “You will never guess.” Arianna’s grey eyes were dancing with the excitement she tried to hold inside.

  “Then you had better tell me.” There was no answering excitement in Selene.

  “Lady Meredith has come to make a request of your mother.” Arianna could contain herself no longer. “Selene, she is beautiful, and I am sure she is kind. She will be your friend, I know she will. And she spoke of Thomas with such affection. Thomas wants to meet you before he signs the contract. Lady Aloise sent me to fetch you.”

  “What are you saying?” Selene looked, and sounded, distinctly frightened.

  “Your future husband wants to meet you. We are to go at once, you and Lady Meredith and I. Lady Aloise was to go, too, but she must attend the queen, so I am to go in her place. Hurry, dunce, they want you now.” Arianna grabbed Selene’s hand and pulled her toward the door.

  “I can’t go like this. My dress, my hair.”

  “You always look beautiful. You are perfect. No, wa
it, you are too colorless.” Arianna flung open a lidded basket and pulled out a brilliant red shawl. This she draped about Selene’s shoulders with a flourish, and smoothed Selene’s black hair over it.

  “Now you are perfect. Men like bright colors. Lady Aloise told me so. Come on now, we mustn’t keep Lady Meredith waiting.” Arianna coaxed the unwilling Selene out the door and along a corridor, then through another door to Lady Aloise’s chamber.

  “Here she is,” Arianna proclaimed, urging Selene toward a woman who stood alone in the middle of the room.

  “Madame.” Selene curtsied, then lifted her head and caught her breath. Arianna was right, this woman was beautiful. She was of medium height, perhaps twenty-eight or twenty-nine years old, but still bearing traces of the radiant freshness of youth. Soft, silver-grey eyes smiled into Selene’s green ones with welcoming friendliness. Selene noticed a wisp of dark red hair, a curl escaping from the confines of the woman’s fashionable coif. Meredith put out both hands to take Selene’s.

  “My dear child,” Meredith said, “I hope you are not frightened by this sudden idea of Thomas’s, but he thought it would be a good thing for you to learn to know each other. You may rest easy, you will not have to be alone with him. Arianna and I will be nearby.”

  “I am ready to do whatever you wish, my lady,” Selene said, struggling to reconcile what Isabel had told her about this woman with Meredith’s actual appearance. Despite what Isabel had said, this was no Saxon peasant wench, this was a noblewoman. Even Selene’s limited experience recognized that much. She let Meredith lead her from Aloise’s chamber and through the abbey guesthouse until they came to a cloistered walk beside a garden that lay bleak and brown in the midwinter chill.

  Arianna had brought cloaks for both girls, and now she wrapped Selene in hers, making certain the red shawl showed at the neck to lend a little color to Selene’s pale face. Selene stood trembling, waiting. At the sound of a step behind her, she turned and beheld a tall young man. She moved back a pace, then looked up at him.

  “Thomas,” came Meredith’s quiet voice, “this is Selene.”

  She was more beautiful than anything he had expected. Oddly, he had not really thought much of her possible appearance. He had hoped for a kind heart and an agreeable disposition and had thought he would be content with that, but this beauty before him, this enchanting, delicate creature who stood quivering like some timid bird who would fly away if he made one rough or hasty movement, this girl was more than he had ever dared dream of.

  “Oh, Uncle Guy,” Thomas whispered, “I thank you, and thank you again with all my heart.”

  “Thomas.” That was Meredith again, dear Meredith, who had arranged this meeting for him, this very first moment to greet his love. His love. So Selene was, had been at the instant their eyes met, and so, he was sure, she would be for all his life. Thomas looked at his aunt and knew she saw the wonder on his face. “It is too cold to stand still, Thomas. Walk with Selene to keep warm, and Arianna and I will walk at this end of the cloister, so you may speak privately. Stay within sight of us. I promised Lady Aloise you would do so.”

  “Yes, I will. I mean, we will.” Thomas stumbled over the words, grinning foolishly. He nodded at the tall girl with Meredith, scarcely noticing her in his astonished wonder at Selene. Selene. Selene. The name rang in his brain like a lovely silver bell. “Will you take my arm?” he asked.

  “Yes, my lord.” Her voice was husky, hardly more than a nervous whisper, and then Thomas felt the gentle pressure of her hand on his wrist. Together they walked away from Meredith and Arianna, along the length of the sheltered cloister.

  Arianna watched them go, feeling as though a hot sword had pierced her bosom. She saw the blonde head bent toward Selene’s smooth, dark one, heard the murmur of their voices. She wished she were at the other end of the world. No, she wished she were in Selene’s place, with that handsome face bent toward hers. Thomas! Arianna shook herself, wondering what was wrong, why she who was usually so content with her lot should suddenly feel so alone and unhappy.

  “We ought to walk, too, or we’ll take a chill,” Meredith said, turning in the opposite direction from Thomas. She put an arm around Arianna’s shoulders. “You are chilled already. Your eyes are weeping from the wind.”

  Arianna laughed and brushed the tears away as though they were nothing.

  “Tell me about yourself,” Meredith invited. “Lady Aloise said you are to accompany Selene to Afoncaer.”

  “Yes,” Arianna said, trying to conceal the unaccustomed bitterness that surged into her throat. She glanced over her shoulder at the retreating couple. “I am an orphan, my lady, and seventeen, two years older than Selene. My father was a landed knight of Anjou, a distant cousin of Sir Valaire, and they were close friends from their youth. My father went on crusade, and while in Byzantium he met my mother, who was the daughter of a Greek nobleman.

  “Perhaps you do not know, my lady, but the Greeks are a different kind of Christian from us, and they are not too friendly toward the Frankish crusaders. My mother was cast out by her family when she married my father against their wishes, so he brought her back to Anjou, to his own lands, to have her child. She died when I was born, and he decided to return to the Holy Land. He left me with Sir Valaire and Lady Aloise for fostering. Unfortunately for me, he died soon after, and the eldest son of his first marriage, my half-brother, inherited all his lands, leaving the younger sons to seek their own fortunes in the church or as landless knights, and leaving me penniless, since my mother had had no dowry to pass on to me.

  “I do not know what would have become of me had not Sir Valaire, out of charity and love for my father, kept me in his household. As I am undowered, I cannot hope to marry. I was useful to Lady Aloise, and now I am to go to Wales and be useful to Selene. I do not mind at all. I am eager to see Wales.” Arianna had noticed Meredith’s earlier close observation of Selene, so now she added, “You may think she is cold and unfriendly, my lady, but she is not always as you see her today. She has been kind to me. Selene is my dear friend.”

  Arianna saw no reason to mention Selene’s rages. Perhaps, once she was married and far from the mother with whom she had never been on good terms, that screaming anger would remain dormant.

  They walked on. Meredith was silent a while, then said, “I think Selene may be afraid of all that awaits her. That is only natural, I suppose, especially for one educated in a convent as she has been, who has never been to court before, nor talked often to boys or men, and who now must marry and go to live in a strange place.” Meredith paused in her walking to look appraisingly at the girl beside her. “I suspect you have a more adventurous spirit, Arianna. I am glad you are going to Afoncaer with us. We will help Selene, you and I, and perhaps the coldness I noticed in her will melt with love and time. You may tell her she need not be afraid of Thomas. He wants only to love her, if she will let him.”

  “I do not think you need to worry about that, madame.” The note of bitterness was back in Arianna’s voice, and she fought to disguise it. “I thought your nephew was stricken with lovesickness at his first sight of Selene.”

  Meredith smothered a chuckle and gave Arianna a sharp, sidelong glance which the girl found entirely too penetrating. They walked in silence to the end of the cloister, turned and began to retrace their steps. Arianna felt she did not want to talk about Thomas and Selene any more. Not now, not while that odd pain still burned at her heart. Adventurous spirit or no, she was afraid to examine its cause too closely.

  “Tell me,” Arianna said, resorting to the humor she often found effective when she was uncomfortable, “what life is like at Afoncaer. Is it true the Welsh are all naked barbarians who carry bows longer than a man is tall?”

  Meredith laughed aloud. “The Welsh wear clothing, though it is not always like ours. They are content with just a shirt and mantle, and they usually leave their legs and feet bare. They don’t mind the cold or the rain. They do not always think like us, either. That
occasionally causes trouble. It’s true about the bows.”

  “And are they all wizards?” Arianna asked impishly.

  “Who has been talking to you? Well, there are some who can do strange things. I’ve known one or two.”

  “I’ve heard you can do magical things.”

  “I?” Meredith stopped walking and stared at her companion. “Who told you that?”

  “Selene. Someone told her you enchanted Lord Guy to make him marry you.”

  “It would be fairer to say he enchanted me. We came to love each other. There was no wizardry, no magic involved, though I do have some knowledge of herbal lore.”

  “Really? They say my mother knew of such things. I would have liked to learn from her.” Arianna paused before asking humbly, “I know a little, from helping Lady Aloise, but not enough. Would you teach me?”

  Grey eyes met grey eyes, and Arianna felt that Meredith came to know her in that long moment. The older woman seemed to recognize and understand the deep pain Arianna was feeling, the cause of which she herself did not yet fully comprehend. Arianna felt a compelling urge to lay her head on Meredith’s shoulder, to weep away old grief and future foreboding. Meredith put out her hand and gently brushed back one of Arianna‘s wayward curls, tucking it behind the girl’s ear.

  “Yes,” Meredith said softly, “I will teach you whatever you are willing to learn. I think you will need something of your own, and I think Afoncaer can use you.”

  Thomas listened as Selene answered his eager questions by reciting the bare facts of her life, most of which he already knew: age fifteen, convent-schooled, the eldest child of six, the only daughter. Yes, it was true she could read and write. Yes, this first visit to a royal court was confusing and a little frightening.

  “I hope,” Thomas said, trying desperately to elicit some warmer response from the exquisite creature at his side, “I hope, Lady Selene, you will not be afraid of me.”